yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
