He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
