Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
How does one acquire holy water?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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