I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
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definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
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Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.