some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.