Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
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if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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