This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
You have to summon your inner elephant
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Randomize
