If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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