If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
