So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
