why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Randomize
