Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
