I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
