You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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