So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I smell like Dick and happiness
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
