so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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