I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
