You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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