I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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