i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
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