Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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