he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Randomize
