the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
