I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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