they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize