the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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