too bad you live with your parents still
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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