why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
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