In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
