Ketchup is God's man juice
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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