the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
