I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
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