your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
