Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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