hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
