I could have mohawked her pubes.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize