My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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