ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
