why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
