Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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