its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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