I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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