I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
