i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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