So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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