I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
