I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
