Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
