where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
