went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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