grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
A bitchslap is in order.
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