If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
What drink are we having for lunch?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
