The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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