i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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