i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
