shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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