this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
