we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
All I want is dick and wine.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize