I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
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