At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Just invented taco cereal.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
