She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
