after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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