I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
