My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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