I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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