the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
