What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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