either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
