Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
