Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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