i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
