and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
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