I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
