that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
