very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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