The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I'm both gender and math confused
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
